LOOKING BACK: Through The Lens Pt2.

Coming into different perspectives in my life!!

Letting go is scary, but allowing yourself to GROW is GREAT!!!

Well let’s pick it back up, wondering when I started being interested in women 🤔…

That’s for me to know and you to find out!!! 😝 Naw I’ll tell you a little bit….

Well, I didn’t experience to much as a teenager but it started my freshman year in college when I became friends with a chick who dated women and men. She was cool and she showed me even more game than I had already knew. The more we hung out the more I liked her even more wasn’t sure what the feeling was and not trying to show it to her. This one night we was getting ready to go out and she asked me had I ever been with a chick before, I stated “Naw” I didn’t want to tell her or anyone else for that matter that my cousin (female) use to touch on me or I just dry hump a chick as a teenager. She was like ok, well let me show you something and it went from there. Wasn’t sure how to respond afterwards so we, finish getting ready and went out… Now I know you maybe thinking  like whattttt, did she turn me out or what but I had looked at it like I improved my game to fuck with dudes and chicks ( if  I wanted to). Which really didn’t happen because I was more often concerned what people would say.

So, from  that point on I would occasionally in private would mess with females. I never wanted to be put in a box, it was I like what I like and if they like me back I’m with it!!! Now, I know that’s not a model to go by but hey when you young, single and free. It’s all or nothing.

As in Part 1 of the Looking Back: Through The Lens I shared some relationships with women and men that had really made me reevaluate being in a relationship in general. I had experienced so much in relationships/entanglements that my main focus was do what you have to do to take care of your children. I have had a fair share of good people in my life but it was something they need in return from me and that’s something I no longer wanted to put myself through. In 2019 I took a week escape from the world I thought was crumbling to COLORADO was just what I needed to start to prepare for my HOT GIRL SUMMER!!! My GodSister help me get my mind of things with encouragement and reassurance on who I am. 

When I got back home it was game time, it was a New Years 2020 and I was in the gym 3 times a week, I was going out and hanging with the girls and I was focusing on me. Well things changed Jan 2020 when at that time a friend asked me to come to a party. I met a woman who I wasn’t looking for anything serious. When we met or was introduced to one another she was rude..lol she tells a different story.🙃🤣🤣 We set and talked for about 1hr exchanged numbers, now she worked odd hours where she had to be at work at 2am she would text me to say hello and call when I got up. Now, I wasn’t sure if she was in a relationship or not but I really didn’t care because I wasn’t looking for anything serious or trying to be in a relationship. But the more we talked and hungout, she couldn’t have a girl at home but if she did I was thinking don’t get to deep with her you know  you won’t deal with that and not sure the outcome.. So we continue to go out and was just going with the flow. That’s what happen too, Going With The Flow until Covid happen- the world was shut down so that forced us to get to know one another and spent time with each. Even though the world had shut down we were essential workers we still had to go to work, which was cool because that helped us learn so much more about one another. When I say that was the best time of my life, it was worth the wait. Just say that she proposed Nov 2020, we got married April 2021, planning to move our family to Georgia, planning a wedding and was try to living our best life. 

Well there was a shift when I got the news that my mama had Dementia after suffering from her 7th stroke. That’s when it was like what to do, stay in Chicago or still move to Georgia. The family battle with take my mama with me and some saying no live your life.  With the outside battles, I was internally battling (what should I do because how can you be there for someone who you feel don’t really like you and whom always made you feel less than what you are, yes and that someone is your mother). The thought of how am I going to be here for my mama, be a wife and mother all in one became overwhelming. So, my family and I set up everything for my mama to be in a senior living facility, it was going well so, we made the move to Georgia. 

Yesss you say, live your best life well being in Georgia redefine me and had me mentally drained and tapping into feelings and emotions I was never ready to get into at this point in my life. My wife and I was beefing daily about the simplest things. The kids fathers had to cause issues because they left Chicago, when I say your girl was going through-Only God knows my thoughts about what I wanted to do to myself, but there’s always that little quote he never put more on you than you can bare. 

Fast forward to now, I am at a point in my life I am learning to just keep to myself and worry about myself and my family. I just noticed a lot of people family and friends don’t and won’t do you the way you do them. I have been there not matter what rain, sleet or snow. I’m a phone call away and I always made myself available not matter what or who I was with but I don’t get the same courtesy so now it’s the hell with people. I am focused on my well being and my growth. I have learned that some people are here for a season and some are here for a lifetime and whatever one you maybe so God be it.

Have you took time to look back over your life?

Do you have any regrets?

Are you ready for this Milk & Honey...

She-Me-Her at 40… Which one are you or are you all 3!!!